I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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