that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
