So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
