u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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