dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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