You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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