i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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