A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
