when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
