I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
