its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I had to cum in my sink.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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