I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
