Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
