How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
