I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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