When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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