There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
