Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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