i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
