is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
