We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
