Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
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