just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
