Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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