Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
