theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
