Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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