so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
