Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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