i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize