Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
