Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
