I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
