Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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