i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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