How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
