I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
