I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
