go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
