Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
