We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
