did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
