I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
