where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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