he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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