it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
