Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just googled if crying burns calories
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
