Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
