yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
