oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
