the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
