"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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