i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
