She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
