you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
