Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
