I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
