I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
