I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
