He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
