You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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