"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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