i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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