i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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