i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
