She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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