I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
