Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
