Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
