Christians are straight up FREAKS
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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