She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize