I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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